RURAL BLIGHTY
THE TRUTH!
"How dare he criticize the english countryside!" you shout from your computer in your 20th floor flat "Ive heard so many good things about it from other places"-Chances are,most of those things where fabricated to lure you into the trap-Heres some of the phrases you might have heard-and what they start to mean once you really live here
|
What they say |
What it means |
|
"Everybody knows each other" |
Everybodies watching each other |
|
"People say hello in the street" |
Then call you a wanker behind your back |
|
"Understanding and caring" |
As long as your white,straight,english and trendy |
|
"Small parish church" |
Wannabe KKK fundamentalists |
|
"Thatched roofs" |
Thatcherite politics |
|
"Nice corner shops" |
If run by black people-It gets vandalised If run by white people-It poisons you |
|
"Old values" |
Barbarism |
|
"Farmers" |
...Who chase you with guns saying "Get orfa moi laand" |
|
"Organised,community activities" |
Fox hunting |
|
"Less crime" |
Less arrests |