A big month, this 'un. Let's start off with a fuckup we haven't seen before. There were two types of long pipette tips that were used in the labs. The glass ones, and the plastic ones. The glass ones, once they were used, were put in tall, grey plastic containers with this liquid called Virkon. Vikon sterilised the bacteria, but got "worn out", and had to be replaced each week. I can't remember what we did with it, but I'm pretty sure it just went down the sink, with a lot of water to dilute it. Also when it was fresh it was pink and smelled nice, and when it was "used up" it was greyish-brown and smelled disgusting. The tips were put in the contaminated sharps bins, because glass breaks, and you don't want category 2, genetically-modified pathogens "injected" into you.

The plastic tips just got put into metal dixies, for autoclaving into a big melted mass of plastic, then chucked away. This disposal procedure was, of course, explained to everybody new that started in that lab (or, at least, I'd expect it to fuckin' be, but that was Stammer's responsibility, and we all know how thick that cunt was). So, you know, we didn't end up with anybody ejecting plastic tips into the Virkon containers, which they definitely didn't follow up with closed screw-top centrifuge tubes they no longer needed, right?

Right?

Also in the building where Stammer worked, and in the room where the thick fuckers built a comedy cardboard baffle to "stop bacteria falling out of the air conditioner", THIS happened!

...but I don't actually remember what the issue was here. Doubtless it made me sigh "thick as shit..." when I saw it, though.

I do remember what the issue was here, though. Once again, somebody has put glass pipettes, intended for dry sterilising in a very hot oven, into an autoclave, which steam-sterilises things. I mean, it's still sterile, but when these metal cans cool down in the autoclave, loads of water condenses inside and takes WEEKS to dry, even in that lab's very hot drying cabinet. The caps on the cans fit pretty tightly, leaving only a small air gap. It took ages for the condensed water inside to evaporate out of this tiny gap. Of course, if the cans were dry-sterilised like they were supposed to be, water wasn't an issue.

A whole autoclave run for just that one can, too. Much efficient. Very Eco. Wow.

Also they've put autoclave tape on it (with the nonsensical "polished" label, once again). Autoclave tape is made of paper, so if any ripped shreds of it are left on the cans, when somebody puts them in the dry steriliser next time, it'll get burned crispy (you can kinda see the dark brown residue of earlier fuckups in the picture), and waft a nice cloud of smoke out when it's opened. Hope the fire alarm sensors aren't near the dry steriliser, eh?

Hey, remember this from last month?

An unlabelled beaker of "pink stuff" just left sitting on the bench, in direct contravention of a case study in a safety lecture every member of the lab staff was obliged to attend. How about we check in with how that's going, eh?

Yep, still there. Once again, I've censored his name, as I'll do for all names to protect the guilty. Just remember I didn't have to make that effort, though ;)

You'll notice I didn't entirely censor his name, though. Wanna know why? Because this PHD student, at one of the nation's, nay, the world's, top institutes of learning and research, CAN'T EVEN SPELL HIS OWN FUCKING NAME CONSISTENTLY! Yes, you did actually just read that. Not only has he got into such a prestigious institution, remember that he also had this little Mini-Me who was always following him round for "training". "Training", from somebody who CAN'T EVEN SPELL HIS OWN FUCKING NAME.

Hey, want ANOTHER anecdote about this thick, clueless cunt? OK, so, I was throwing away some rubbish ouside, when I saw him coming from some other building, back to his usual one. Some workmen were going to be working on some pipes, which ran under the path. All they'd done so far was cut and lift out some of the concrete, in order to access the pipes, leaving this...

Now, what would you do if you were walking down a path and came across this? Detour around on the grass? Congratulations, you aren't this selfish, arrogant, shit-for-brainsed CUNT.

Because guess what this fucker does, when he finds this? He wanders up, bumps into the plastic tape, thinks "Buhh, movement blocked", ducks under the tape, walks across the dirty patch, ducks under the tape again, and carries on his way. And these are the "fact-checked experts" we're supposed to be trusting.
I realise that, in this day and age, phrases like "subhuman" and "inherently inferior" are frowned upon somewhat, but what other ways are there to explain such behaviour? I'm all ears, honestly, but I really can't think of any alternatives.
Also, it wasn't fair on me. I was recovering from the flu, and it hurt to laugh.

OK, this brings me on to the last one from Stammer's lab for the present. Remember last month, when the clueless tosser mentiond above, and his mini-me, managed to start an autoclave with the door open? Somebody went one better this month! There was another, very small, autoclave in that building. I never saw it being used and, in all honesty, just assumed it didn't work. I DO remember it had a large, visible and clearly-labelled (plus, if you'd worked in science labs for any length of time, it's purpose would be very obvious) water filling cap in it. Ideally an autoclave without enough water in it (IE, with the heating elements exposed to the air and thus liable to overheat) will detect it's getting too hot, or else the water level is too low, and stop working. This one was obviously old and/or broken, and didn't do that, so it wasn't being used...

Rignt up until some clueless, ill-prepared fucker needed some sterile plastic tubes now, and hadn't got any ready. The usual autoclave in use? Never mind, just plug in that other one, and muddle your way through starting a cycle... what could go wrong?

Oh, aren't we a clever one?

- -

What a thick, clueless twat.

See, what's supposed to happen if some thick twat has started an autoclave run, without having the foresight or intelligence to top up the water beforehand, is...

An "Over Temp" or similar warning comes on, and it stops working, needing to be reset with a special button or password. Like this one, which I found in this state first thing in the morning. Oh dearie me, eh? Somebody who was too thick or idle to organise their shit ahead of time had to get up super-early, or at the weekend, and come in to "jump the qeue". Shame they didn't RTFM, and fucked it up! Looks like you have to wait after all, eh?

OK, off to the lesser-visited lab now, what delights await us there? Why, somebody's gone to prepare some agar in a bottle, by mixing the powder with distilled water. They've then decided they don't need it, for whatever reason (likely grabbed the wrong powder from a shelf)... so tipped the mix into a liquid waste bottle!

And what happens when that mix gets autoclaved in a liquid waste bottle? Why, it becomes no-longer-liquid! Never mind, eh? That's for the likes of me to work out, so why should they care?

-

As well as the three main, and two small, labs that I worked in, there was also a lot of glassware stored in a place called the "Media Kitchen". The workers in this place used to make and maintain their own stocks of agar and growth media, mostly for the labs in the main building to use, but occasionally the labs I worked in took media, or just empty bottles, from there too. Stammer's building actually had no glassware washing facilities of it's own, so we used the Media Kitchen's every day. Actually there's an entire stock of anecdotes about that place, which may be worth their own page... illustrated, as I took pictures of remarkably few of them.

Glassware that belonged to the Media Kitchen was labelled "Media". This was, apparently, an extremely difficult, opaque and obscure labelling system, which many of the scientists at this elite establishment of learning and research found extremely difficult to comprehend. Ah, who am I kidding? They found "If it's green put it in the left bin, if it's purple, put it in the right bin" an insurmountable mental challenge. Now they're expected to read a five letter word? Yeah, I suppose I am expecting a bit too much. So, what's this I find, in the same tray where empty refillable tip boxes were often put?

We had a new starter, so I confronted him about it (he was, of course, correctly trained on what "Media" meant week one day one... right?). He told me he'd put the bottles in the "proper place". I came back and found them...

On a clean trolley! Just sitting on it, so they'd fall off if it was moved over any bumps. Yeah fuck'n sounds like the proper place? Don't it?

So, where was the "proper place"? Well, let's put ourselves in his shoes, walk to the rack where dirty glassware is put, and look downwards as we put the bottle in it. Why, what's this on the floor, right in front of our eyes?

-

Trays labelled Media Kitchen returns???? Surely not!

Anyway, as glassware needed to be taken between buildings, and dirty glassware from category 1 or 2 microbiology labs, at that, it was taken in boxes, on trolleys. Now, the roads at this place were "not the best". In fact, I'd go as far as saying they were "shit". There were also speed bumps, of the plastic bolt-in kind. Doubtless put down to satisfy some vague "green" requirement from the ivory towers on high... never mind if it makes life more difficult for the working-class employees who have to push trolleys of glassware around those roads. Yeah, who gives a flying fuck about them?

Anyway, I could avoid the speed bumps (and all the other bumps in the crumbling, crappy road) by pushing the trolleys down a nice, smooth path, next to the kennels and backup warehouse. But wait, what's this I find, one day, as I'm pushing a laden trolley down it?

-

You UTTERLY clueless, pigshit-ignorant FUCKWIT

MUHHH PIECE OF CONCRETE NEXT TO PARKING SPACES MUST BE PARKING SPACE MUHHHHH!
Still, this isn't a problem they'll be having at that department these days. Just before I left, they announced they were going to be "green", by simply removing almost all the car parking spaces! Genius! Just take away the parking spaces and people won't drive there any more! Well then, are you going to pay me enough so that I can live in Cambridge, and not need to drive? ARE YOU FUCK. Are you going to pay me enough so that I can live in Ely, near the station, and come here by trains and buses? ARE YOU FUCK. Never mind, eh? Scum like me will just have to manage somehow. Who cares if we get left behind? We're not worth anything anyway.

Recylable stuff in the non-recycling bins again. It's all so tiresome. This is the place that's "going green" and "committed to sustaiability", remember? Of course the dark blue recyling bins were such a vast, insurmountable distance further away.

It's all so tiresome.

Actually, depending on where that box was brought from, they may have had to WALK PAST the recyling bins in order to reach the non-recyling one. They MADE MORE EFFORT to fuck up than they'd have made doing it properly.
OR they just came from the other direction. That too.

See? This time there's cardboard boxes in the recycling bins! That's the way to do it!

-

...and tissue papers, polystyrene and manky old food waste. It's all so tiresome.

At this time, the non-recyling bins were light blue, while the recycling bins were dark blue. You may be able to see where confusion has arisen. This lot are only barely able to distinguish between different colours, when expected to take different actions based on colour. To expect them to distinguish different shades of the same colour really is asking too much, isn't it?
Assisting scientists at one of the foremost educational and research institutes in Europe, teaching English to 2-year-old kids in Japan... basically the same job.

(The recycling bins were also newer, uniform in appearance and clearly labelled. But can you imagine these thicks being able to take in such subtle, obscure clues?)

ONE of the non-recycling bins was, to be fair, also dark blue... well, the body was, the lid was light. It was also a completely different shade, obviously older, and a different type, and had this on it:

And was, of course, a huge, vast, utterly-insurmountable distance from the recycling bins...

Look at where those old computers are...

So, of course, somebody decided to start stuffing huge old cardboard boxes, and entire box files full of documents in it. What a clever boy.

Yep, the idle fuckers were too lazy to even WALK SLIGHTY DIAGONALLY. If something isn't directly in front of their eyes, it doesn't exist.

Badum-tissh. This is just taking the piss now. It's like they're PROUD of being semi-literate thick scum. These are the ones who know best for the rest of us, remember.

Ooh, want a bit more of an ordinary waste disposal fuckup?

Oh yeah nah, thanks for flattening those down, if not tearing them up and putting them all in one big box to be carried out. Ta.

And again...

OK, so, on previous pages I've mentioned the procedure for disposing of the category 2 autoclave waste bins, called "dixies". If you've read those pages, you might even remember bits of it...
1: Wait until it's actually full.
2: Fold the bag over.
3: Bring it to the washroom.
4: Put a lid on it, so they can be stacked.
5: Put it near the autoclave, so that it won't obstruct the opening door.
Got all that down? That's the procedure everybody who started working in that lab was told, and even had shown to them with the actual items and locations. So imagine somebody being told all that, and (swallow your drink now) producing.... THIS.

AT WHAT PRECISE CUNT POINT DOES THE PROCEDURE SAY "TAKE THE FUCKING BAG OUT OF THE DIXIE AND PUT IT IN ANOTHER"? And in the dixie clearly labelled as being for liquid waste, at that. How can human beings be this fucking stupid? I really swear we aren't all human, there's another species on earth, doing a good imitation of us, but totally lacking in logic and intelligence. I mean, there must be. How else can you even wrap your mind around shit like this?

Or this? The mind fucking boggles.

Continuing the dixie theme, this lab had two small "sub labs", where they had just one or two dixies. Because these contained category 2 microbiological waste, they needed to have lids which clamped tightly on, whilst being carried outside, to the building with the autoclave. These dixies had big handles on the sides, so that special lids could be clamped on. Also, only one of these dixies could be put into the autoclave at a time (they only just fit, the handles sliding into "slots" at the side). On a good day (and if the autoclave was working!) I could maybe fit in three waste runs per day. Also only a very few of the dixies had handles on...
Apparently, once, they all did... until they got that autoclave. With depressing predictability, they'd not thought to check what size it was before buying it (and these things cost as much as Ferraris). After that fuckup, the solution was obvious, call the "Boys in Blue" (the nickname for the maintenance guys) to get their angle grinders out and hack all the handles off!
A small number of dixes were left with handles on, so they could be taken to the small labs. A very small number... like, almost exactly enough to keep in rotation, with maybe two spares for unusually-big "runs" of throwing-out. Now, you see, it's tempting to think they realised they'd need a few handled dixies before calling the Boys in Blue, and set those aside. Though I suspect, given the small number of handled ones, what actually happened was they told the boys to cut the handles off all of them... then suddenly realised the issue during their tea break, and had to frantically run over there and get them to stop, only just in time. It sounds more likely, to be honest.

Anyway, what's all this mean to Figshit picks? Well, as there were only two spare dixies with handles, it was "most unhelpful" if thick, lazy fuckers kept taking those handled ones to use in the main lab, where they were not needed. But these are thick, lazy fuckers we're talking about, the clueless tossers couldn't possibly fathom the idea of not taking the nearest empty dixie to them, of taking another single step, or of reaching their arm slightly further. Why would they make such a difficult effort, when this other one's just here?

Once upon a time, one of them took a handled dixie to use in the main lab, put a bag in it... then suddenly realised what they were doing! I wasn't around, so they secretly, sneakily, sneakretly returned it to the row of clean, unused dixies. Heh heh heh, the perfect crime! I would, of course, have absolutely no way to notice that this had happened...

Here's a picture I took for no reason, having not at all detected their perfect crime.

-

Reuseable pipette tip racks thrown in the bin intended solely for paper hand towels. Again.

And, on the subject of paper towels...

Yep, once again, a "sciencey type", doubtless bullied at school, now works in a science lab, and is this now around "sciencey types", and free of the bullies. You know what that means, don't you? Time for pathetic posturing to show off how "hard and cool" they are! In this building, it ofen manifested in some fucker pulling the green paper towels really hard, so that a whole handful shot out. They'd then vaguely brush their hands against the top one, and throw away the rest, completely unused. How hard! How tough! What a man you are!

Actually, these were unisex toilets...

Anyway, on this occasion, somebody's tugged them so hard, one's flown right out and gone in the toilet! And what happens if we've got non-flushable paper in the toilet? Why, we walk away and leave it for some other fucker to deal with, of course!

-

Still, far worse happened in these toilets. On at least two occasions, somebody fucking FILLED the bowl with toilet paper, so that their sweetcorn-infested shits could land softly, and gently repose in a nice soft, dry, bed. I came upon the scene of the crime in this building once, and in the main building once. On both occasions, I don't recall seeing any shitty paper... so not only did somebody fill the toilet with paper, give a shit pride of place atop it, and not flush... it appears they didn't wipe, either.

Actually, the main building's toilets aren't unisex, so it's definitely "he", this time

What the fuck? I mean, yeah, I accuse these fuckers of being incapable of pattern recognition as a joke... but leaving "presentations" of your shit laying around for others to find? That's actually animal behaviour. It happened a few times in this building where I worked, nobody knows who did it. Then it suddenly stopped... but happened at least once more in the main building. The culprit being a total mystery.

Or so the chubby, creepily-overly-friendly blonde fucker thinks. I mean, come on, it only happened in that building during the short time you were working there, then magically stopped when you left. You think I didn't notice? Some sort of sexual gratification, was it? I bet you just loved getting to leave your "presentations" in a unisex toilet for young women to find, didn't you? Your little dinkle's rock-hard with the recollection, isn't it?