CHI UNIVERSE

This is the "ridiculous fanfiction crossover" universe, mainly intended for joke stories. There's a few other bits in here too, though. This is more of a miscellaneous universe where every story has it's own continuity.
Warriors of Wind
Set in	123 during the age of gale
Created in	"1998" / never
Type	Mooted videogame
Main Characters	None named
Description	An idea I came up with with my school friend, who was a programmer. We wanted to make 3 videogames, all basically telling the same plot. By "plot" I mean "our very basic germ of an idea". What was that idea? Dungeon crawling with an overpowered warrior who has enchanted farts. Said dungeons populated with references to Carry On, Red Dwarf, The Fast Show, Earthworm Jim, Lemmings, The Theme--- games and whatever else we were into at the time. I was going to make the first two games. The first being a text adventure, which I started to write out, on paper! I had no idea how to save stuff on my BBC Micro, and had no blank discs anyway. The second was going to be like a BBC Micro jungle adventure game I had, "once I got better at BASIC". My friend was going to make the third game, which would be "up to playstation standard", using some 3D engine he said he had. Guess how much actually got made?
Status	Never made
Location	Some of my hand-written "code" might be in a drawing pad somewhere... on the other side of the world.
Misc Note	I guess it evolved into Wierd RPG Project
There are four lights
Nameless Old Nonsense
Set in	1987 - 2006 (guess)
Created in	1987 - 1991 / 1995
Type	Drawn comic
Main Characters	Me, My friends
Description	Me and my friends have a bunch of high tech gear like VTOL planes that fly into space, gadget-laden cars, robots etc. These were some of the first comic strips I ever did. I don't remember most of them, unsurprisingly. One I do remember involves me getting bored of being told about Christianity at school, so I fly to "Befleyhem" in my spaceship and raze it to the ground with lasers. I didn't know anything about "Befleyhem", so I just drew it as a city with loads of Western European-style churches in it. Another one involved a giant robotic spider attacking my house (which had loads of high-tech machinery in the back garden). My brother and I get on board it and electrocute the driver. I re-drew this strip "much later" (in 1995 or so) with "better artwork", very relatively speaking! The first "Battles" strip, which ends with the faction in the treehouse building loads of high-tech weapons, and one later Cart Wars strip, where the characters use water-shooting drones to put out a burning, speeding cart with gas cylinders on board, could kinda be counted as part of this too. The first Anti-Bully comic strip (created before we started a "spy agency" of that name) may have been part of this too, I remember nothing about it, other than that it existed.
Status	Offline, lost. Maybe one page of the "re-make" story remains, somewhere.
Location	That one page may be in my big folder 'o strips... on the other side of the world.
Misc Note	None.
Bloomers
Mini Men
Set in	1994 - 1996
Created in	1994 - 1996
Type	Comic Strip / Audio Play
Main Characters	Me, Robert, Thomas... or nameless boys.
Description	A bunch of kids can either use magic, potions, lasers or, erm, crisps, to shrink down to tiny size and do fun things with thier toys. My friend Robert originally had the idea for this, and had them doing a wall of death around the bathtub. I did my own stories that mostly involved a huge train set, with tracks suspended from the ceiling that runs through every room in a house. Guess what my hobby was at the time? A lot of stories ended with them getting into some dangerous situation (like the trains about to crash), when they turn back to normal size just in time. At school we did an audio play, which was probably the best Mini Men story ever (it had characters with names, well, they were us!). They try a new brand of crisps, which shrinks them down without them having to use the potion they normally use. They then decide to race paper planes down the stairs, but the cat attacks them. They return to normal size just in time. After we finished making this, I had some tantrum and demanded my name be removed from the credits, but they weren't, oh well. I wonder if that tape still exists somewhere?
Status	Offline
Location	A few strips are in a folder somewhere, most are lost
Misc Note	An adventure re-make for The Red Kite could be a future possibility...
Jizzing along nicely
Sky Battles
Set in	1994/5
Created in	1994/5
Type	Drawn comic
Main Characters	Me, My friends, Tails
Description	Me and my friends have a seaplane thing, not unlike the one off the cartoon Tailspin. We are fighting against a gang called FLAME, who have triplanes. The "fighting" involves the planes ramming each other in the air. It's always at low altitude and over water, so nobody gets hurt. Anyway, during one fight, Tails from the Sonic the Hedgehog games shows up, and helps us beat more enemies. Still later, they have "powered hang gliders", while we have "helicopter backpacks". A not-at-all dangerous aerial jousting match ensues, in which Tails helps. Finally the enemies are picked up in a giant wooden scoop, flown into the air, and dropped in a lake.
Status	Offline, finished
Location	In a folder somewhere
Misc Note	Well, technically, it's called Sky Bates, or Sky Batles, the T and L are combined. Wrong either way XD
Edion...and on, and on and on
Pinball Attack
Set in	1995
Created in	1995
Type	Comic strip
Main Characters	A nameless boy, maybe meant to be me.
Description	Another truly bizarre comic I'd mostly forgotten about. It was inspired by Sonic Spinball / the various "casino" levels in the other Sonic games. Basically some bad guy traps a boy in a gigantic pinball machine and he has to work his way through various levels to escape. That was the plot that was not explained AT ALL in the comic, it was just a boy being shot off flippers and hitting bumpers (and occasionally smashing a robot, I wasn't even trying to disguise this thing's Sonic-based origins). For most of the strip all he said was variations of "AAAAAA". Absurdly, when my friends and I started our short-lived (or maybe never-lived, there was only one copy, after all) Speed Comic (we'd never heard of the 1979-80 IPC one) at school, the Pinball Attack strip in issue 1 was a "preview" of Level 4 contained within Level 3, I didn't think to start the stories in the comic from Level 1 (or, to, you know, explain what was happening!).
Status	Offline, everything but the little Level 4 preview has been lost.
Location	Lost, the one surviving less-than-a-page is in a folder somewhere.
Misc Note	I think I'd already lost level 1 and 2 when I drew level 3. Can't remember if I did level 4 or not. If I ever re-make this, it will probably be as a Sonic fanfic... but that's hardly likely!
towel
Football Crazy
Set in	1995
Created in	1995
Type	Drawn comic
Main Characters	The players of Madchester United
Description	A silly football comic, made for our Speed Comic, which we wanted to publish at primary school. Almost every story in the comic revolved around some kind of racing. Realising most kids liked football instead, I created this! I can remember one episode having two balls, so they could score "half a goal". I also made a (very) token attempt to make the characters look distinctive, by giving them different hair. I think it was the first time I'd ever done that. Oddly Robert, who was also involved with Speed Comic, and who actually liked and knew about football (his room was plastered with Man United merch, and posters taken out of footy magazines), didn't make a footy strip.
Status	Offline. I might still have one...
Location	...but I don't know where.
Misc Note	Whenever the ref blew his whistle, stupid things would happen, like he'd be hit by loads of balls. This was based on cutscenes in some videogame they played on... er, the videogame show on Sky I can't remember the name of now. The one with Big Boy Barry in it. When that show was started it had a proper studio, audience, contestants and prizes. Also there was a whole roster of "ultimate gamer" characters for the contestants to play against. Later on the two hosts were sat in a food court and childishly bickering. Then it became about Big Boy Barry and had shit like his house being haunted between the reviews of games. Predicting both the 2000s era of Youtube gaming channels with "channel lore" and skits, as well as enshittification in general. Ahead of it's time, that show.
£
Bus Wars
Set in	1995
Created in	1995
Type	Drawn comic
Main Characters	None named
Description	My friend Tim did this, inspired by Cart Wars. He didn't even go to school on a bus, he lived about 5 minutes away. Anyway, the various bus companies who came to the school have a race, through loads of challenges. The bus I came on would always crash or come last.
Status	Offline, lost
Location	Very lost!
Misc Note	Actually I have a diary from 1995, with a "sample" of Bus Wars in it, which I re-drew from memory... on the other side of the world.
Anyone remember Severn Cullis-Suzuki? They've run the same act twice! Get some new material!
Bus Wars
Set in	1995 / 6
Created in	1995 / 6
Type	Drawn Comic
Main Characters	Me, Melanie, Lynn, Kirsty, Jake etc.
Description	It might not have even been called Bus Wars. It was totally unrelated to the original one (other than involving a bus), either way. Basically a quarter of the bus wanted to listen to the Smurfs novelty albums, because they are funny. The other three quarters wanted to listen to the Spice Girls, Backstreet boys etc, because they were "proper music for grown-ups", and my generation has no sense of humour. Blazing rows ensued, which, in this comic, escalated to machine guns and bazookas. Or they would have, if I'd drawn more than about half a page.
Status	Offline, probably lost.
Location	I remember re-finding it "more recently" (probably in 2002 or something), so I MAY still have it.
Misc Note	Maybe could be due a satirical mini-revival to poke fun at the kids who grew up into Millennials. I hate drawing the interiors of buses and trains, though, way too much perspective that you have to get right! ...actually, that's probably the reason the original version didn't go anywhere.
Froomb / Zots
Smashed, Bashed, Crashed And Dashed
Set in	1996 / 1956
Created in	1996 / 2026
Type	Game played with toys / mooted videogame
Main Characters	A postman, a huge dog
Description	I wasn't sure if I should give this one it's own Storyinfo entry, or just stuff it in the Other "Stories" section, it's a pretty borderline case. But it's also pretty silly and ridiculous, so here we go, eh? This was a bit like the indie videogame Guts And Glory, where you have to do innocuous activities like "ride your bike to the park", except there's wrecking balls and circular saws etc flying everywhere. Only this was a postman who had to deliver one letter to one house, whilst being constantly bombarded by gigantic rolling boulders / cannon balls / a spherical killer robot (I don't remember exactly). As well as the balls there was a giant crazy killer dog the size of a truck chasing him down. We played the game on a pool table with lego, (and a cute cuddly toy to represent the dog) the postman's van being gradually demolished by the balls and eventually he had to carry on on foot, chased by the dog. I think the planned videogame was meant to play like an isometric Ghouls 'N Ghosts, only with the van having about 4 levels of "destroyedness", so a tad more forgiving.
Status	Not played any more. One picture may survive...
Location	...on the other side of the world.
Misc Note	I might make this is an "isometric" (though actually 3D) game, to get me eye in. The game will be set in the fifties, so the postman can have a proper uniform and a Morris Minor.
It's all well and good their son says he wants to be a disney princess...
Battle For The Lockers
Set in	1996 / 7
Created in	1996 / 7
Type	Drawn comic
Main Characters	None named
Description	A strip created for a possible school newspaper (at secondary school this time, two girls were organising it). I made three strips for the two planned newspapers (neither of which ever appeared!). The first was Attack of the Living Locker!, which looked crap. The third was Zombie Attack!. Battle for the Lockers was the second one, but I don't remember which of the two newspapers it was intended for. It was mostly detailed scenes of the mad scramble to get to the lockers at break time, only with guns, swords and tanks. It was after Dunblane, so one of my friends said the teachers would never let me do a comic strip with scenes of guns in a school.
Status	Offline, mostly lost. One page remains, but maybe I only drew one.
Location	On the back of another comic.
Misc Note	It either replaced Attack of the Living Locker (which looked like crap, even by my standards of the time) for the first newspaper, OR was cancelled and replaced by Zombie Attack, because of Dunblane, for the second newspaper. As neither of them ever got made (and this comic was never finished), it never mattered much, anyway...
if their daughter says she wants to be a sniper in the marines, though, you just watch the fun.
The Cleaner
Set in	1997
Created in	1997
Type	Comic strip
Main Characters	The Cleaner
Description	A stupid superhero comic about a janitor who gets powers and fights dirt monsters in the sewers. It never got much beyond the very beginning of the origin story, and a handful of concept art.
Status	Actual comic is probably lost, a bit of concept art might remain. But isn't very good.
Location	Offline and lost.
Misc Note	Inspired by an episode of The Tick where he goes exploring the sewers. Even back then I wanted to watch / read genuine superheroes and not stupid parodies like The Tick or Freakazoid. So, of course, I decided to make my own comedy superhero instead of a serious one. I'm none too clever.
Rule 1 of marketing: Don't name your product "wank".
Little Downham
Set in	1998/9
Created in	1998/9
Type	Drawn comic
Main Characters	Fartman, Jenny, Elvis, Postman Prat etc
Description	A forerunner of Felney set in a place that wasn't actually anything like Little Downham. It also had a bunch of weird happenings like Elvis coming back from his home planet. It was not unlike early South Park, and even drawn in the same style.
Status	Unfinshed
Location	Lost
Misc Note	A page of "concept art" still exists in a note pad somewhere.
And a clip of ammunition fer me little armalite
Kill Giulio Galassi!
Set in	2007
Created in	Probably never
Type	Doom wad
Main Characters	Me, Chrissy, Christian, Glassyman
Description	Over 2006 - 7, a guy called Guilio Galassi / Glassyman / Gamarra kept uploading crappy "attack wads" to Doomworld, in which the player had to kill people who had wronged him, represented by sometimes-edited Doom monsters in huge, badly-made levels. Naturally, a few immature, badly-designed attack wads where people had to kill him were uploaded by other users. This was going to be mine, but I could never be arsed to do it. It would have involved playing as a super cool secret agent (me), who has a hot boyfriend and girlfriend, and a load of concours-standard classic cars. After going to the Craille Insitute (semi-canon Sexton Blake), you'd use a TARDIS (Doctor Who) to travel to Skaro, The Death Star (Star Wars) a zombie attack in Lincoln, Bangkok (to recruit another terrible wad maker called Ruba) and some other places, before finally winding up in Hell, where you'd fight Glassyman in his castle.
Status	Not made, probably never will be.
Location	Nowhere
Misc Note	The climax of the "Galassi Saga" came when somebody just copy and pasted one of his levels exactly, but added a long scripted sequence where Guilio was explaining his life story, which "all started in the bayous of the Mississipi" (the Mississipi in Italy) and something about his mother's large knuckles. He went absolutely ballistic at this, and was threatening to kill people / himself, making false "forgotten password" requests on other people's accounts (causing them to get many emails about it) and posting lengthy rants in Latin. Then he vanished.
Ichi-nen ni-kumi Tanaka-desu
Rising Fire (Matt Forces)
Set in	2450 (guess)
Created in	1998 - 2000
Type	A bunch of pictures, mooted videogame.
Main Characters	My cousin, his friends, me.
Description	My cousin created a story called Matt Forces, in which he was the emperor of some planet (might have been a heavily-remade Earth, I don't remember) where the entire population was condensed into five huge cities, which were mostly underground in deep holes, only the top levels were on the surface. They were called A city, B city, C city and so on. Anyway he designed a bunch of awesome tanks, planes, robots etc for it. I started to design some too, unfortunately I'd also been playing the game Tie Fighter around my friend's house, on his architect* dad's awesomely powerful PC (a Pentium with probably a whole hundred megahertz, Doom ran as smooth as silk). Tie Fighter quantified the damage output / protection of the various weapons and shields in the game in a unit called RTU. Presumably a parody of British Thermal Units called Republic Thermal Units. I decided to quantify the damage and protection of weapons in my Matt Forces designs in the same way, only I'd hardly given much priority to remembering the menu screens of a game, so I misremembered RTU as R/T. My cousin completely ignored what my designs for gigantic tanks and cool robots were actually like, and just ripped the piss out of "The RT's" instead, even to his friends right in front of me. I also designed a ship for the setting called "Pride of D City". He told me that D City was where all the heavy industry like steelworks and oil refineries were, so there "wouldn't be much pride" there. Anyway, at school I had a friend who was really good at computer programming (or so he said, anyway. He said he learned C++ when he was 6), which made him pretty much only one step down from a wizard, in my eyes. I came up with the idea to make a kind of "only for us" MMO-RTS in the style of Command and Conquer, where my cousin and I would control Matt Forces and our friends would control the enemies (I'm not sure the setting even HAD enemies, at that point), only it would be on a huge map and "persistent", AI would take over controlling a faction / share of a faction when we weren't playing. This was a thing I beleived we could actually make (and the idea that we'd need an actual server, with always-on high-speed line, to host it on, it wouldn't just magically be "on the internet", didn't occur to me). Except I had an idea for a mysterious third faction, "created by unknown hackers", called Rising Fire to appear and start to attack Matt Forces in tandem with the other enemies. Rising Fire would actually be controlled by me. I started designing a few vehicles for it but, naturally, the whole thing went nowhere. A few years later my Cousin evolved Matt Forces into a sci-fi story about a reluctant empire (with an emperor that was less obviously him) entering a war with an alien empire after trickery by a third faction forces their hand. It was pretty bloody good and all, but I lost the disc I had it on. He thought I was a better artist than I was at the time, and wanted me to do some pictures for it. I drew a spaceship with tail fins which he ripped the piss out of. At least I didn't give it "500 R/T" lasers.
Status	Dunno if he's still writing the story.
Location	Some of the things I designed are still kicking about.
Misc Note	When I first started my print comics, I wondered if he'd want to serialise the story in them. He wasn't entirely enthusiastic. *-Yes, he did have one of those cars
GRAB HIS DICK AND TWIST IT! GRAB HIS DICK AND TWIST IT! TWIST THAT DICK! OOOOOOH DICKTWISSST!
Warhammer 40k Ripoff Nonsense
Set in	40000
Created in	1996 - 8
Type	Bunch of pictures, game played with boxes.
Main Characters	None named
Description	I saw the movie Labyrinth (and also Wizard of Oz 2, with which I conflated it in my head for years), and also saw a Warhammer 40K poster in a local hobby shop. I was impressed with the idea of "Giant robots with castles on them" and designed my own version. My brother and I played it over our parents' bed, using egg boxes as "normal" ships and bigger cardboard boxes as giant hovering castles, or tanks or robots with castles on them. There was no dice rolls or anything involved, we'd occasionally lob rolled-up socks as "artillery". One time I was making a huge hovering castle called Titanicus. I started making ever-increasing engine noises as my brother scrambled about to organise his forces and told me he "wasn't ready" with increasing panic. Actually the engine noises were just one of the normal ships with engines that hadn't been oiled. Later this game got endless power-creep with "shields that protect against anything" and "lasers that destroy anything in one hit, even those shields". I drew a few pictures of this setting too, but I made the vehicles look too much like their "real life" representations... IE like cardboard boxes.
Status	"Finished"
Location	Some of the pictures I drew might still be kicking about.
Misc Note	None
Her fortress is a faithful heart
Weird RPG project
Set in	Twat knows
Created in	1999 - 2000 (the idea of it anyway)
Type	MMORPG
Main Characters	Me, My friends, Users
Description	When Runescape and Ultima Online were starting up, me and my friend Tim had an idea to make our own one. He said he knew C++ and that he knew enough to hack into ID Software and steal their next engine and stuff, and I just beleived him. Anyway our ideas for this game were a bit sparse, never very sure if it was going to look like Super Mario 64 or Final Fantasy 6 by way of Mortal Kombat. We mostly just had ideas for our own moderator characters. We'd be Grim-Reaper-like Sorcerers, and have loads of OP weapons. Also we'd be able to send users who had broken the rules, but not egregiously, to hell. Hell would be a giant maze full of tough monsters, anybody banished there would at least have a chance to escape, if a slim one. Also if anybody registered with the names of kids / celebs / politicians we didn't like, they'd just spawn in hell and have to fight their way out with cloth clothes an and a rusty sword. Certain usernames would spawn people on a mile-high pillar / very thin mountain in the centre of hell, which they'd fall off if they tried to move.
Status	Never started, unsurprisingly.
Location	Nowhere
Misc Note	One of the weapons the Sorcerers would have would be two black candles with green flames. They'd lock on to somebody, play a lengthy clip of a tune I beleive is called O Fortuna, then instagib the target. I might make that weapon for Doom one day.

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