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Mike Smith The main character, in Classic Felney, he was just an idealised self-insert of me. Now he's an idealised self-insert of me in 2006, IE he loves crappy horror films, and doing up classic cars. Unlike 2006 me, he has a whole garden full of rusting metal which he does the occasional bit of vague tinkering with, but never finishes fixing up. I wonder what that's a metaphor for? Mike works for Cellumax, a company that makes and distributes biotech-related stuff. Mike really just cleans the bottles and packs stuff in boxes, though. |
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Aaron Anderson Mike's best friend, who, along with Tina, moved in with him in 2001. Aaron is gay, and comes from Kent. His parents sent him to a church-run "straight camp" around 1998, but he escaped, trashed the bosses' car, and his parents' garden, then went on the run with Tina. They eventually ran out of stolen money (also from the boss), and had to stop somewhere and settle. Aaron works from home on some up-it's-own-arse e-marketing tripe. He has a boyfriend called Vinny, who he met in Cambridge. |
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Tina Wright Tina was also in the "straight camp" with Aaron, her parents were friends with Aaron's. They escaped together, trashed the bosses' car, nicked his money etc etc. Tina works in a local supermarket, and also plays bass in a crazy punk band. She is a lesbian, and has a girlfriend called Ann. |
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Ann Morgan Ann looks like a tattooed-up punk chick, but actually likes all sorts of music. She also likes fast motorcycles and acting crazy. She is very bi, and falls in love with somebody new on a regular basis... but she likes Tina most of all. She lives in London, working in some office there, but originally comes from Canada. |
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Vincent Jones Vinny comes from Wales, and has heard all the jokes. He's pretty quiet and shy, and is into modern rock and otaku stuff. He met Mike, Aaron, Ann and Tina at a gig in Man on the Moon in Cambridge (RIP), three of the four fell in love with him at first sight, but Aaron won out. He is a little younger than Aaron, but looks like a teenager, he gets asked for ID everywhere. |
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Kate Thristwaite Kate lives in the village with her husband and daughter. They are typical residents of Felney, IE suspicious of everybody who comes from more than 5 miles away. Kate's favourite pastime is shouting at the TV, and assuming Britain is the only country in the world with any money, which every foreigner has designs on. |
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Jane Thristwaite Jane Thristwaite is the opposite of her mother, she is interested in the outside world, and takes people as she finds them. She goes to school in Felney, and later nearby Ely. |
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Julia Yellow-Spart Julia Yellow-Spart is the Liberal Democrat leader of Felney parish council, she was elected because the Labour candidate had a "German" name, and the Conservative candidate was Indian. Her politics are the complete opposite of everybody else in Felney (except for her husband), but nobody gives a crap about what the parish council gets up to, so they don't even notice. |
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Malcolm Foss Malcolm Foss is the Conservative MP for Felney, which is England's last "Rotten Burough", IE a place with a vastly disproportionate say in the government than it's population justifies. Classic Felney was super left-wing, so he was ripe for much mockery in it. He'll probably only make occasional apperances in the new version. |
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Steve Steve owns the general shop in the village. He is Anglo-Indian, and a devout Christian. The rest of the village is also "Christian", and assumes he's Muslim, because he is brown. They never actually go to church, so they don't see him there. |